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As submitted by Cassandra Nordstrom
Hello Everyone and
Stacey,
As you all would know I
am an Army wife and I'm very new at it. My whole life I was told the
army was a bad thing and all it did for the world is cause death,
depression, and hurt. So as any child would, I grew up hating the
Army and the ways of the military. I always thought that people who
chose war and battle were the only reason why the world had turned
out to be so brutal and violent.
I am only 18 years old
and I had falling in love with a man who had dreams to be in the
army. After finding out his dreams I pleaded with him not to join.
But his mind was made up and there was no talking him out of it.
After knowing he was the man for me I ended getting pregnant with a
baby boy. It was not planned and it was looked down upon greatly by
his parents. Even though I had gotten pregnant he could not turn
back on his decision, he had already signed up for the military and
taken his vows. It was a horrifying feeling knowing he was leaving
soon and I would be on my own as a first time mother. To add to the
fear I was unable to finish my last year of school due to lack of
money for a babysitter, so stress and depression was pressing down
on me.
He had left for basic
training and that was one of the worsted times of my entire life to
be separated by the only one who kept me true company. Being
pregnant at the time and not being pampered like most mothers to be
was very depressing. I had gone into labor while he was in basic and
only had my mom to help me through the delivery. But I was lucky
enough that it was a scheduled delivery and he was able to be on the
phone while I was in labor. If I hadn't had been in such pain I
would have been uncomfortable with him listening and not knowing
what's going on.
Once he had finished
basic I had gone down the GA for his graduation. It was very
uncomfortable for me. My parents came with me to keep me company,
but I was still very uncomfortable being on the training base. But
seeing him for the first time after so long was like taking that
breath above water after being held under for so long. He looked SO
different though. He had lost so much weight that I felt
uncomfortable even letting him touch me. He did not look like the
man I fell in love with. But when I handed him his son for the first
time and seeing him smile was how I knew that it was still him.
After seeing him for
the first time, two days later we were to get married, and I wasn't
even given the chance to get to know him again. But getting married
was the only way for him to watch his son grow up. We always talked
about getting married but so soon on the schedule was not our plan.
Our wedding was small and short and very to the point. But the
people who mattered were there. He was given a month to be at home
before he was shipped out to Germany to start his PT. But during the
time he was home he had to do home town recruiting. So our Honeymoon
was nothing like I had imagined.
After he had gotten to
Germany while I was stuck at home as a first time mom all alone and
have post partum depression was almost life threatening to me. I had
stopped eating and lost more weight then I was suppose to. I was
10lbs under weight and I'm still under weight even now. And the
stress levels were unbearable for me. We had medical bills we had to
pay and still do. We owe over 700 dollars to the hospital I gave
birth in. Every month that we are unable to pay it makes the amount
even higher. Court was looking like something in the near future for
me. Having all this stress build up on me and the depression
effecting my health, calling him to find out he's drunk and out with
friends every weekend and even some week nights was a HUGE deal. I
had gotten so angry with him. I have all these problems and
situations on my mind and having to deal with it on my own and
knowing he doesn't have a care in the world was more then angering
for me. To add to all our financial problems he was putting our
checking account in the hole more often then non. Every time a check
was sent in I never got the whole thing due to paying what we owed
all the time. And even now I'm not getting the support I need. But
with all this happening I had a friend who was there for me and even
let me scream at them to relieve my anger about his actions. Having
friends was the ONLY reason why I was not sent to an insane asylum.
Even though he was out
and having fun, hearing him tell me that he drinks because of
depression of missing me was settling to me. But I did not like
that he was drinking, I did not want it to become a habit. Though I
still do not think he realizes how bad of a financial situation we
are in, it was nice to know he misses me just as much as I miss him.
I rarely talk to him and never see him so having the mental
connection was all I had and I protected that connection with my
life and fear of losing it.
Now I am waiting to
join him in Germany so I can be with him once again and see my new
home for the next few years. I've been doing nothing but waiting and
I am still doing nothing but that. Patience is something I lack but
I'm having to learn to have it very quickly and without any say in
it. I have learned that being apart of an Army life, it is nothing
but lines to stand and wait in, and depression is going to be with
me the whole time. But even though my life in the army is nothing
but depression and frustration for me I will always stay with him
and my heart will always be his. I will never give up no matter how
close to the edge I get. There is not many people in my type of
situation and very few people who know what I'm going through. But I
try to look at the positive side of things.
I get to see places I
would have never been able to, meet people I wouldn't have, do
things I never would have, and have this type of adventure. If I
wasn't being made to have this life, I would have still been just
another average Joe.
My life as an army wife
is hard but if you know the right people and have the right friends
it can be made easy and adventurous. The one thing about the Army
that I do actually like is the fact that I'm closer to my husband
then I will ever be in our relationship. If we can handle this then
we can handle anything...
I hope you had a good
read,
Cassandra Nordstrom
Submit your own story to me at stacey@marriedtothearmy.com.
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